I have Always lived life on my own terms, cause thats what i was thought. Be who you are.. Cause your the best. I had good friends around me who accepted me for who i was.. i mean they kind of had to since we were very young and we all accepted each other without wanting anything in return. I don't know it was just better days i guess, but alas those KIDS have grown up now. Everyone has changed.. most change i have found in myself. It's like i have let myself turn into this PERSON i no longer recognize.. gone are those days when i would tell people exactly how i felt when i felt it and smile at people who only i considered deserved it. I have become like EVERYONE ELSE. FAKE!
I have never been to any parties before the time i was 16. Maybe to just bday parties at McDonalds or my friends home or something, or a house warming or wedding. Even if i go to parties or any social gathering, i would be the person you would find in the corner somewhere because socializing isn't really my thing. I mean I'm friendly and all but i go into a shell when im surrounded by people i dont know or even worse dont like. Even if i do talk to somebody it will probably be to the other person standing in the corner no one wants to talk to. That's why i never go to parties especially the ones that happen in my college. I don't FIt into that setting, it is as simple as that. It's just not my scene. Partying, Clubbing and that sorta shit is cool for people who like it, but thats just not my scene. Call me an introvert if you want, but thats just who i am period. But do you know how many parties i have attended in a span of 2 yrs? SIX, 6 god damn boozing parties.. two of which were my bday parties with friends.. the first bday treat was good, actaully very good, second i have no comments.... I have tried to wiggle my way out.. but the fact of the matter was that i didn't want to seem like a LOSER with no life, so i always ended going to most. Did i have fun? NO! And now it has come to this that im actually paying to go for one. I can tell you now what is going to happen.. i will go there.. have that irritating plastic smile i have which i hate... i will be in the smallest group in the room... i will hardly talk.. my mind will be on when im getting home.. so how will i ever have fun? And in these parties i don't even eat much so thats another fucked up case.
I dont know what it is.. maybe im just insecure or maybe i simply DONT LIKE THEM.. But whatever it is im going.. I owe it to my friends.. not that they are forcing me or something.. they would probably do better if i dont go otherwise they got to be standing with me the whole time.. but still i gotta be there for somebody. They are good people i should atleast for once think of other people than always myself. And why am i making pre assumptions anyway? For all i know it may turn out to be fun. Small doesn always have to be boring right? So chin up Back straight.. Lets do this shit!
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